The floors of the living space of our home is completely laid with marble, cut out of limestone, and polished to a silvery sheen. It was cool for the tropics and for the hot day.

But it was also slippery, especially if water is spilt on to it.

That was why, one fine day, our baby boy Vin who was barely a toddler at three years old, stepped on his split drink from his plastic cup, and fell.

The doctor diagnosed a slight fracture on his left hand, and after a few days in a sling, the fracture healed by itself as it was very slight, and he was well again.

That taught us a lesson of home safety for kids. Always ensure the floors are dry if they are not carpeted.

But there was more to this.

I discovered Nature had a way to compensate for the fracture. Very soon, it seemed Vin liked to use his left hand that had been fractured before more often than his right, and that became his strong hand.

He was using his left hand for writing, for playing with the crayons, and for holding his toys.

He was a “leftie”!

Questions raced through my mind.

Should I trained him against his natural desires to be ambivalent - to use both hands for writing? Would it be harmful to him emotionally and personally? How would this affect him when he is older? Would he resent having been forced against his will?

What a dilemma it was!

Let us see what the German advice center for left-handers, “The Green Cross” in Marburg said.

The first test to apply is to identify the left-handed child. This is easily done by observing with which hand he first spontaneously grabs a toy.

Having identified a left handed child positively, support the child by helping him with writing and painting exercises.

Left handed kids have tensed-up hand position. When they write with their left hand, they get tensed up easier because they find it harder to see what they are writing.

Therefore, the parent should lay the paper to the left of the child, and clockwise about 30 degrees to the right, with the hand held below the line on which the child is writing.

Teach the child to use his right hand to hold the paper on the right side.

Should a parent force the left handed child to use his right?

The Green Cross emphasised that parents must never force and try to train a left handed child to become right-handed. Reasons?

The left-handed child will start to have concentration problems and difficulties, and also develop negative psychological effects later on in life.

Did I force my son to be ambivalent?

When he was 10 years old, I took him to the largest Left-Handed Shop in the world. It was located in The Quay, in Sydney Harbor area. He was beaming with all the toys, the utensils and everything else that was designed for the left-handed world. Here inside this shop, he was able to find everything designed to meet his needs as a left-hander.

To this day, Vin is still left-handed and writes beautifully with his left hand.

Peter Lim is a Certified Financial Planner and a webmaster. For answers to the difficult questions on parenting, and for unique parenting solutions to perplex situations involving babies, children, toddlers and teenagers, visit “The Complete Parenting Guide” at http://parenting-guide.dynamic-resources.info

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Q. My spouse and I cannot agree on how to raise our kids. I think my spouse is too strict and my spouse thinks I am too lenient. Meanwhile, the kids are getting away with everything. What can we do?

A. This is an excellent and all-too-common question. So, in typical therapist fashion, I’m going to begin my answer with a question.

Where in the world did we get the idea that two parents have to agree on every aspect of parenting? Somehow, we are supposed to believe that two separate individuals, who grew up with different models of how to parent (if they had models at all), different life experiences and probably different temperaments, are now going to come together and agree on every facet of the complicated task of parenting.

Sorry, I just don’t buy it.

Not only is this an unworkable notion in the real world, it can be a damaging one as well. The optimal goal, of course, would be for these two different people to combine their respective parenting styles into a well-functioning and supportive parenting team. This is difficult, although it can and does happen. But when people believe the lie about always having to agree, a power struggle can be set up between the two adults.

We all like to be right and we tend to fight for our positions. In too many situations, instead of coming together as a team, parents grow farther and farther apart, rigidly adhering to their own styles.

A person with a more strict style has something to learn from the person with a more lenient style, and vice versa. But instead of learning from each other, the strict one becomes more strict and the lenient one becomes more lenient. This creates, at best, criticism and resentment and a gap big enough for a child to drive a truck through. The children suffer, and the parents cancel each other out.

It also sets up what I call the “parent trap.” Picture the face of a clock. At 12 o’clock is the word “angry,” at four the word “sympathy” and at eight the phrase “taken advantage of.”

The trap begins when a child misbehaves, does something wrong or gets in trouble. The parent starts at the top of the clock, becomes “angry” and says something like “OK, that does it, you are grounded for life!” or some equally realistic statement.

After a while, the parent moves on down the clock to “sympathy,” and lets the child off the hook.

Sure enough, the child takes advantage, and repeats the same action or something equally frustrating. This moves the parent over to feeling “taken advantage of.” The parent doesn’t feel this way for too long before thinking or saying, “How could you do this after all I’ve done for you!?!” The parent quickly returns to the top of the clock and “anger.”

Do you see the vicious circle this sets up? In the middle is the child, running the show.

Now let’s complicate this process even more, with our two different parenting styles. Imagine having one parent stuck on anger and the other one stuck on sympathy, or some equally damaging combination. There’s that hole you can drive a truck through.

There are many useful ways to get out of this parent trap. One of the simplest is called the odd/even schedule.

Here’s how it works: On odd-numbered days, one parent will be in charge of parenting. That means that all discipline, privileges, discussions, etc., go through that parent for that entire day. The other parent is to stand by and merely observe (unless there is blood or some other legitimate emergency).

The parent who is on for that day can call on the other parent as a consultant if he or she so chooses. Otherwise, the off parent is required to “sit on their wisdom” for the day. On the next day, the even day, the roles are simply reversed. The parent who was in charge is off, and the parent who was off is in charge.

This plan can benefit the family in several ways:

The parents come together to agree to follow the plan.

Each parent gets to see the other one in action and see that he or she can parent.

Each parent gets to practice his or her own parenting skills.

The children get to see each parent in charge.

The door is open for the parents to come together as a team.

The task of parenting is difficult enough without it becoming a power struggle between the two adults. It’s crucial to remember that the goal is to form an effective team, with both parents drawing on their own unique skills and learning from each other. In this way, the entire family benefits.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

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I was in the life insurance sales industry for over 8 years. One of best teaching that I have learned from the industry and found in all top sales professionals and successful individuals is:

“All super successful individuals love people more than they love money.”

And it is their love for people that make them wealthy and rich.

I share this same teaching with my children since young. I truly believe that it will be the most important factors to help them become more successful in life.

Love refers to individual and personal caring that goes both beneath and beyond loyalty and respect. It includes the love for friends, neighbors and even adversaries. And most important of all, the lifelong commitment of love for the family.

We learn to love others by serving them and the love is unconditional. We may not always love those who serve us. Their love depending on how it is given, may spoilt us or intimidate us.

However unconditional, understanding and fully accepting love warms us without reservation and brings about our reciprocal love. We may not love those who serve us, but we definitely love those whom we serve.

I’d like to share the following tips where parents can give unconditional love to their children and giving them the opportunities to serve. They are also the things that I live by:

Clearly Separate Dissatisfaction With Behavior From Love of Child

Parents must always expect their children to make mistakes and occasionally demonstrate unacceptable behaviors despite many previous reminders.

When your child misbehave, it is your responsibility as parent to correct him. However at every instance of discipline, you need to reiterate that it is what the child did that you do not like and that your love for him cannot be altered by anything. Mentioned frequently to your children of all ages and back it up with a hug and physical affection.

Here is an example of what I did with my four-old-year daughter three weeks ago when she misbehaved in class by playing during lesson and not giving attention to what her teacher was teaching.

I reprimanded her. I said, “Ethel, I am really upset when you played with your friends in class while all of you are supposed to listen to what your teacher had to say. You are there in class to learn. Do you understand me?”

Her tears started to roll after a long pause. And I sternly continued “Dear, will you promise papa that you will pay attention in class and if your friends misbehave during lesson, you will be the leader by telling them to give respect and attention to your teacher while he is teaching?”

She nodded and more tears started to roll out from her eyes. After another long pause, she asked “Papa, will you still love me?”

I follow up by saying “Dear, papa is angry because of what you did. However I will always love you and as much as ever. Just promise me that you will be a good student in class and show respect to your teacher. Will you do that?”

She nodded and stood quietly, waiting for me to say more. Instead of continuing to reprimand her, I close the episode by saying “Come, let papa give you a hug.”

She threw herself over me while tears continue to roll. From her eyes, I can tell that she knew that she was in the wrong and at the same, she felt a sense a security that her papa will always be there to love her, no matter what happen.

This event happened about three weeks ago from the time I am writing this. Since then, I have not hear any complain from the teacher. I hope our little girl will continue to be a good and attentive student in class.

Develop A Service Orientation

You and your children can learn collectively to love through serving. Serve in some kind of community projects where your family can help others who are in need. Look for charitable services that you can rendered as a family and that can involve your children. By serving others, you children will learn and appreciate the true meaning of love.

Taking Care of Younger Siblings

If you have children of 4-years-old and above, you can teach them love by giving them the privilege of helping and serving their younger siblings.

Call your older child a tutor and tell him that the younger child is a student. Tell the older one that he will have the opportunity of helping the little one in many ways. He can sit next to the child at meal time, helping him to cut the vegetable or meat into smaller piece and taking milk for him. He can also holds the hand of the younger one while traveling on the road. He can read bed time stories to the younger one or simply helping you to watch out for his siblings while you are having a quick shower.

Your older child will not only learn to love whom he serves but will have an added appreciation for you as his parent as he helps with things you usually do.

Show Physical Love

Parents should show their love openly and teach their children that overt affection and love is perfectly okay. Give hugs and kisses. Schooling children need to feel their parents’ physical love just as much as when they are pre-schoolers. Give hugs to your children when they leave home for school, back home from outside, pop into bed etc - a sincere and fuzzy hug is appreciate by everyone. Be sure to tell your children verbally that you love them as well as providing your hugs.

Article by Alvin Poh, founder of Learning Champ, a parenting wesbite that provides information and resources to parents, who want to help their children develop the important skills and mind set for a brighter future -> http://www.alvinkh.per.sg/learningchamp

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